Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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