first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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