sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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