lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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