I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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