8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
