we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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