oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
