Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i drank out of a bidet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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