I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
