Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
