Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
