I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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