after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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