yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
