..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
