so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
