She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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