forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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