She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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