in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
