Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
