How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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