I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
