Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
