Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
