I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
