I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
