i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
