Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
