so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
