Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
