I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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