Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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