I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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