are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
