Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
