He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am spending my child support on dildos
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
