its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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