my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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