would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
