I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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