How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
