i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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