Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
