I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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