Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
