would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
