You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
