Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
