smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
